Dear Retailer, I hereby enclose the product I purchased at your store early last week and request a refund in full.
As you will note, my purchase has not bee used and, indeed remains in its original packaging.
Circumstances have changed and, although your product is of excellent quality and bears the hallmarks of first class craftsmanship, I now believe I will no longer have cause to use it.
I would therefore be most grateful if you would reimburse me in full since I now accept I was a trifle hasty in purchasing the enclosed wooden spoon.
PS: I know someone in Plymouth who might want it if you can’t give me my money back.
Well, I don’t like to say I told you so but… well, I told you so!
The doom and gloom merchants were out in force after the Ecco Finising Bears’ pretty blooming dismal start to the season.
Yes it was pants, yes the boys looked as sharp as a wet haddock at times and yes, a very quick turnaround in form was required.
But it was the first weekend of the season for goodness sake and talk of the wooden spoon after just two meetings, both of them away, was as premature as putting your Christmas tree up before going away on a summer holiday.
Thursday’s 63-27 monstering of Scunthorpe was a point off being a club record and as emphatic a response to the management’s ‘must do better’ demand as it was possible to get.
OK, so the Scorpions were unlucky to lose Anders Mellgren before the first heat had even been rerun (get well soon Anders, it looked a nasty one) and young Ryan Douglas barely had time to put his passport back in his pocket following the flight over from Australia, so it’s clear tougher tests will come.
The wooden spoon may have been sent back to the shop, but let’s not order any silver polish just yet.
But from top to toe it was a magnificent team performance – summed up by the fact that even though Richard Lawson romped to a flawless 15-point maximum, it was raw rookie Luke Crang who went home with the rider of the night bubbly after winning his first race at Premier League level and showing some far more established names the quickest way round South Tees Motorsports Park.
The hard work will be keeping it up of course. But the nature and margin of the Bears’ victory in their first home match of the season sends out a clear message that they’re a pretty decent side after all.