YEAH baby – you feeling groovy? Then step aboard Nealo’s time machine!
It’s true – I do have a time machine. I was not aware of this until Thursday night, but I undisputedly went back in time… to October 2007.
Don’t believe me? Okay – here are the facts. First of all the weather: That wasn’t summer weather on Thursday, was it? Quite clearly, you only have rain and wind like that in the autumn.
And who were the Bears riding against? That’s right, a patched-up Birmingham team – just like they did last October. And, once again, the Bears emerged victorious – further proof that we’d all been transported back in time, because they haven’t been doing that much at South Tees Motorsports Park lately!
So there you go – proof we’d all been unknowingly whisked off back in time, and now I’ve formuated all sorts of plans for my newly-acquired time machine.
I’ve got to suss out how it works first, of course, and bearing in mind that I’ve only just got to grips with Sky Plus and still can’t get the hang of the toaster, that could take a while.
But once that’s done, I’d zoom straight back to that holiday in Corfu with my mates and NOT miss my date with that hot girl from the Isle of Wight by drinking all that cheap Greek beer and falling over in the hotel lobby (and ending up with her ugly friend, but that’s another story).
Then I’d turn my attention to the current speedway season. I’d go back to March and stand Chris Kerr out in the rain wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. He’d get a heavy cold of course… but missing out on the Premier Trophy trip to Scunthorpe because he was tucked up in bed with a hot water bottle and a Lem Sip would have been for ther best in the long run.
I’d transport myself back to the end of May, sneak into the service station where Dan Giffard was filling his van up with diesel and slip a few handfuls of sugar in the tank. He’d have conked out on the way to Edinburgh, of course, but he’d thank me for it if he knew why.
And I’d go round to Arlo Bugeja’s place in mid-June, posing as an Italian Army official and spend all night trying to persuade him that, because he has dual nationality, he was required to report for national service in Rome. He’d see through the scam but he’d miss his booking at King’s Lynn and, well, you know the rest.
That would keep me busy for a few days and it would leave me with just one more job to do. I’d whizz forward to the end of the season to see… well, that would be telling, wouldn’t it?!