HAVVY, Ty, Dan and the rest of the lads – don’t even think about putting salad cream on that lettuce at lunch time! And you can forget about walking the dog or letting the kids play anywhere near you too.
Remember a few years ago when Dave Beasant, then the Southampton goalkeeper, ignored such wise advice? He dropped the bottle and, being a footballer, instantly volleyed it with his right foot instead of letting it drop or trying to catch it.
Broken glass and human limbs aren’t the friendliest of combinations, of course, and the hapless soccer star spent several weeks on the sidelines with a bandaged foot. Lunchtimes were never the same for poor Dave after that.
You might also have sympathy for fellow footballers David Batty, who damaged his ankle after a toddler drove over it on a tricycle, and Darren Barnard who did something nasty to his knee ligaments when he slipped on a puddle of puppy wee.
And so you should, with the way the Bears’ injury crisis is taking hold. After all, we lost a rider last night when we didn’t even have a meeting!
In fairness the unfortunate James Birkinshaw, who had been lined up as a guest replacement for James Grieves at Sheffield, was riding for parent club Birmingham when he was hurt in a nasty crash that also put Kyle Legault out for the season.
But it does make you wonder what’s going to happen next and how long before Teesside’s black cat population is extinct, having alll been run over by one or other of us.
Oh, and another word of warning. If it does all go right tonight at Owlerton and we get a win – for God’s sake don’t let the lads celebrate to wildly.
Some years ago another footballer – Paulo Diogo who played for Servette in the Swiss League – was particularly pleased at scoring a goal against rivals Schaffhausen. He jumped into the crowd to share the moment with his team’s fans but, on the way, caught his wedding ring on a fence and, ouch, ripped off the top half of his finger. He was also shown the yellow card for celebrating in an excessive manner.